An Objective Retelling of "Yogi Bear"

Yogi appears. He was hiding behind a lone tree.

Yogi dons graduation cap and gown. Yogi alters a "DO NOT FEED THE BEARS" sign by adding "EXCEPT YOGI!"

Yogi, using a hollow stump as a disguise, steals a pic-a-nic basket from an otherwise empty table.

Yogi drives a jeep loaded with pic-a-nic baskets through a geyser field, only to be propelled by a blast of water from under the vehicle. He manages to maneuver the vehicle onto a large tree branch and drives through a knot in the hollow tree. Yogi navigates through the trunk and drives out of another knot, the jeep still loaded to maximum capacity with pic-a-nic baskets.

OH MY GOD BEAR IS DRIVING HOW CAN THAT BE

Apple Sauce: Origins

This startling documentary footage reveals the origin of a seemingly innocent snack.

I created this with my shiny new Nintendo DSi, using Flipnote Studio.

Cincinnati Comic Con

Can’t find your trusty bootleg copy of “The Smurfs?” If you went to the Cincinnati Comic and Anime convention, you would have been in luck.

The first convention to come near Cincinnati in a long time, the Cincinnati Comic and Anime convention took place at the Covington, Ky., Radisson Saturday, Nov. 7, and Sunday, Nov. 8. Largely a trade show for industry aficionados, this convention had a wide selection of collectable wares on exhibit, along with some of the creators and artists responsible for the very goods on display.

Admittedly, this was my first Comic con. While I did attend a New Jersey horror film convention several years back (mostly to sit in the same room as George Romero), I didn’t know what to expect from this event. I was expecting the room to be larger. The limited space forced traffic to move faster than I anticipated, making it uncomfortable to peruse as casually as I would have enjoyed.

Brian Williams of RavenHammer Comics was in attendance, promoting his newest comic “Lucius Hammer.” Allegedly the bastard son of John Henry, the steel-driving American folk hero featured prominently in tall tales and blues songs, Lucius Hammer is a young, rural black man with extraordinary strength and power.

“I tried to mesh Shaft with Superman,” Williams said. “Although I’ve always wanted to make a John Henry comic.”

The premiere issue of “Lucius Hammer” begins with a brief glimpse into his childhood, where his powers are revealed in infancy. As he grows up, he faces the challenge of identifying his place in society by experimenting with many different facets of the community — from a Chicago gangster, to MLB All Star, to World War II hero to superhero … all within two pages. While this promotional issue is used more to introduce readers to a potential new favorite character, the pacing seemed rushed and little real characterization was available within the tight confines of a 10-page comic. I generally just wanted more after finishing the comic, which means Williams and Christian Colbert did something right.

The pencil and color artwork, provided by Colbert is brightly colored with bold, black outlines, evoking a visual style similar to the latest interpretation of Batman featured on Cartoon Network, “Batman: The Brave and the Bold.”

There were not nearly enough people in costume when I attended Saturday, which was definitely a bummer. Upon arrival I saw a couple walk hand in hand from the Radisson, dressed in unidentifiable (to me) obscure fantasy-anime garb. My girlfriend dressed as Triana Orpheus from “The Venture Brothers” (super hot), but that was pretty much it. Aside from a trench coated fellow with a gas mask and a fedora, there were generally far too few costumed in attendance while I was there.

Without going too deep into it, I was pleased with the potential introduced by the Cincinnati Comic and Anime convention, but will probably reserve attending another until the next really big one (Ohayocon 2010?). There’s no telling who will show up, so it may be best to keep your nerdy eyes and ears open for the next convention, be it Star Trek, Star Wars, anime or a new comic you’ve never heard of. Heck, even Superman started out as “just another comic,” so you’ll never know until you give it a shot.

Do you go to many comic and anime conventions? What is your favorite part of these events? Did you dress up at the Cincinnati convention and want to show off your costume on our web site, www.newsrecord.org? E-mail me, slacker.solutions@gmail.com and title your message “Comic Con.”

Zombies!

“Zombieland” is scheduled for release in theaters Friday, Oct. 2. Being a zombie fanatic, I find it important for audiences who may not be as well versed in zombie-lore as myself to take a moment and recognize the nuances and arbitrary standards within this eclectic world of horror.

I am been striving to understand why I’m obsessed with the undead. Looking at my favorite zombie works (movies, comics and video games), I enjoy works that guarantee the world is taken over and society is overrun by the undead, forcing humanity into a new Dark Age.

Over time, different interpretations of zombification are prevalent. Many early zombie films, such as 1932’s “White Zombie” and 1941’s “King of the Zombies” feature the voodoo zombie. These are quite different than the rotted flesh, brain-eating pop-culture icons we know today.

Voodoo zombies are based primarily off of Haitian lore, from the tale of a father returning home to his family months after his funeral. While in a sort of trance as a result of mysterious voodoo — he didn’t speak, eat, or sleep — he was only capable of simple tasks such as cleaning a stable or sweeping the doorway. Non-aggressive zombies, such as the resurrected father, were supposedly used in sugar mills as slave labor. The catch? If any of these zombies were to taste salt, they would develop an insatiable hunger for human flesh, which inevitably leads to more than a few problems.

The viral zombie came from George Romero’s series, starting with 1968’s “Night of the Living Dead.” This zombie mode suggests a malicious, AIDS-like virus causes an infection, transmitted through being bitten or any fluid exchange. Originally titled “Night of the Flesh Eaters,” Romero deliberately kept the first source of the zombie outbreak a mystery. He believed mad scientists creating some kind of whacky zombie concoction too hackneyed, even though his upcoming film “Survival of the Dead” revolves around humans posted at a remote island attempting to find a cure for zombification. Robert Kirkman’s “Walking Dead” comic is also a wonderful representation of a Romero-zombie.

While Romero shied away from it, mad science is a popular zombie origin in films, such as 1985’s “Re-Animator” and 1985’s “Return of the Living Dead.” In these cases, some sort of chemical is responsible for turning people into flesh-eaters. “Return of the Living Dead” (not affiliated with Romero’s “Dead” series) blames the apocalypse on Trioxin-245, a military chemical affecting people by direct exposure or inhalation of the gases. This film proposes the events shown in Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” were based on a true story, but slightly altered to protect the general public from knowing the ghoulish truth.

“Resident Evil” is a series featuring zombies being created by the mad scientists from the pharmaceutical company Umbrella, who are hell bent on world domination through the implementation of a zombie army.

The creators of “Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles” released new information at this year’s Tokyo Game Show convention, regarding the popular zombie video game’s development and game play features.

“Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles” primarily stars Claire Redfield and Leon Kennedy as they attempt to escape the Raccoon City Police Department building in a fresh retelling of the events from “Resident Evil 2.” The game continues on to follow Claire in her arctic adventures from “Resident Evil: Code Veronica,” as she desperately fights to survive hordes of the undead. Jack Krauser and Leon also have a portion of the game, where their exploits in South America are uncovered for the first time, finally shedding light on a mysterious relationship between the two since it’s first allusion in 2005’s “Resident Evil 4.”

It’s very easy to be overloaded with zombie-media. For fans that enjoy newer works, such as “Zombieland” or “Marvel Zombies,” I suggest you trace the genre back to its roots and discover where zombies came from, because it appears they aren’t planning to die yet.

Him?!

I can't help but be bothered by the trailer for The Cleveland Show. I think Stewie sums it up best in the beginning when he says, "What the hell, HE gets his own show?!"

Cleveland never had his own catchphrase.

Quagmire always seemed the fitting recipient for a spinoff, as "giggity goo" is universally one of the most applicable catchphrases known to man. He could be the next Leisure Suit Larry for T.V., someone for frat boys and adolescents to look up to in their confused moments of sexual frustration.

Watch the extended trailer at HULU.com and see for your self-- it's a strange risk they're taking, Fox. When amazing shows like Arrested Development and Firefly get canceled, it makes it all the harder to appreciate shows like this and American Idol. What's the damn deal?!

Capcom should pay me

Let me just say, I wasn't aware of Marvel Vs. Capcom beyond just playing it at Papa Dinos, in the take-out area that boasts a maximum capacity of 5 people .

I had no clue both I and II were already released on older systems, around 10 years ago.

Capcom released a new screenshot, with a character from yet another favorite series: Resident Evil. Jill Valentine is a fine choice for a 2D fighting sprite.

(courtesy of Capcom)
GREAT, NOW THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER MY BERET.

Gauntlet

Gauntlet Legends.

When it comes to gameplay and character stats, I realize the game is about as sophisticated as a Mountain Dew commercial, but that doesn't inhibit my love.

Yes, much of the game requires you comb through each and every corner of the game in search of a FUCKING SWITCH. Yes, the narrator is unintelligible. Yes, the character designs are really showing their age. But, damn it-- I love Gauntlet Legends, if only because it's something Amy and I play together on the N64 with strange zeal.

Needless to say, we're pretty great.

Hylian Cause and Effect

I've had a hard, hard time getting accustomed to The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (MM). The first time I played it was for only 15 minutes, before my power was cut in the midst of a torrential downpour and windstorm. This was something I took as a sign from the forces of nature that maybe I could be doing something better with my time.

My perception of MM is mostly as a responsive piece of work, with little ingenuity or originality. As a seemingly unnecessary sequel to Ocarina of Time (OoT), MM was essentially riding the dick of OoT's fame. Maybe my skepticism is too harsh with too much haste, but I've not exactly fallen in love with the game, even after about three hours of gameplay (but not in-game hours... god, why did they implement a timer?!).

The fact that MM came so late in the N64's career, only a year before the Gamecube was released in the US, may help avid fans of this installment understand why it wasn't received with the same zeal as say, OoT or Wind Waker (WW): looking at the differences in gameplay and graphics, WW was leaps and bounds ahead of MM, though it was only released two years later.

Maybe I'm generalizing and undervaluing the games' values, but it seems like the most successful installments of Zelda games are accompanied with a new Nintendo system being launched, which may not be a coincidence. Even Link's Awakening (LA), released originally for the Gameboy and then remade for the GB color with much hype, was a big deal-- showing gamers that you could finally adventure as Link on the go, out of view from the realms of your television set.

Cheapskate on a gaming date

I haven't played many newer video game titles, seeing how my budget usually affords either cheese or toilet paper, and never both. This usually means waiting until I can buy a decent used copy (see my rant on that here) and playing something like Red Dead Revolver a few months before the sequel comes out; this proves to be quite advantageous in appealing to my gaming taste, which is to say, delayed-instant gratification.

I also recently got a copy of Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven for the PS2. Amy and I spent two great nights playing through the multiplayer mode, but when I went to check out the newest Tenchu title for the Wii, Shadow Assassins, I was really displeased to see that it was only 1-player. A huge bummer.

Resident Evil: How, when and where?

For some reason I'm watching Resident Evil: Extinction. I know Paul W.S. Anderson, the writer of the RE films, means well with his movies. It seems he played the video games after deciding to make films of them, something that I deem a lovable problem. Shucks, his films generally did well for the franchise, enough to garnish even my hesitant respect. But what I really think is the best part of the films is Milla Jovovich. It also seems Anderson recognized this strong point enough to marry her.

My biggest question: "Is Albert Wesker British or not?"

Zelda, here and there

Like so many other players, I can't help but note the many similarities between Twilight Princess and Ocarina of Time. Looking at it from a graphical standpoint, TP is simply a revamp of OoT. This must be because of the somewhat stunned response Windwaker stirred among Zelda fans; they ridiculed WW for being too childish-looking, cell shading and cartoonish "poofs" whenever you defeat an enemy. Being the next big Zelda title after WW, Nintendo must have pushed to recreate what OoT had done, figuring fans would gladly take what is essentially a hyper-advanced version of one of the most popular video game titles. While I don't believe TP will have the longevity or dedication OoT garnished, I do think it successfully kicks ass.

So... is this a Mega Man blog, or what?

The answer to my Mega Man Legends/ Lost Planet befuddlement has been absolved here.
As always, the desperate rantings of obsessed franchise fan-boys (Mega Man-boys in this case) drowns out the sensible market approach of Mega Man-creator, Keji Inafune.

Word.

Hour 6 of our Twilight Princess quest to beat the game before Monday. Wish us luck.

Unsubstantiated rumor= credible source, in my book

To further this unsubstantiated rumor about Mega Man Legends being the precursor to Lost Planet, here are some gameplay examples of each:

Mega Man Legends:



Lost Planet:



Now, as far as I know, the creator of this Mega Man Legends video is essentially filming his entire run through the game in 10 minute segments. I'll check after playing through the "spider temple" in Twilight Princess...

Ben, if you haven't played Mega Man Legends, I'll lend you my copy.

Slacker Solutions: Origins

Having a weekend set aside to beat The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess alongside my lovely girlfriend, I decided some productivity must also bear fruition while she collects enough rupees to get a slingshot. Thus, Slacker Solutions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ieWrWLjii0

Rufus Hussey, the beanshooter man... he could be Link's future if he had stayed home instead of becoming the Hero of Time.



Capcom is set to release Marvel Vs. Capcom II for the 360 and PS3 later this summer. Painfully aware that I do not have either of those systems, I turn to their secondary project, Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom, a Wii exclusive with a street date some time in winter '09.

There are a few reasons I'm excited for the new Capcom fighting games and most of them have to do with Mega Man.


(Courtesy of Capcom Entertainment)

Here, they're using the Mega Man model from the Mega Man Legends series, a personal favorite of mine.

Mega Man/ Spiderman is my combo whenever I play the Marvel Vs. Capcom arcade machine at the local pizza place, Papa Dino's.

Gin, my friend and coeditor at The News Record, tells me that Lost Planet was originally going to be Mega Man Legends III. Having not played the game, it suffices to say that watching a gameplay trailer of Lost Planet convinced me Gin wasn't fooling.

If only Capcom had so willed its creation...